Opening up
I really just want time for myself in 2016. I love my job at Pandora and I'm so thankful for the hours that now fit around my lifestyle. Realistically, 2016 will probably be the only chance in my life to not have to worry about income, job and bills etc. Therefore, I really want to take the opportunity to experiment and do as many different things as much as possible!
The support I have received towards my drawings is astounding. By November 2015, I was already booked up until April 2016 aiming to do around 3 drawings a week, with the odd time off. That's what? 36 pieces.... overwhelming.
Anyway, as you know, I loveeeee Instagram (it's my fave) and I follow a lot of artists on there, who have inspired me to get out my comfort zone and just try something completely different for a change! At the moment, along side my commissions I am practicing my skills for Acrylics and Oils, as well as just drawing things that aren't portraits of a person....
I'm going through a phase where I love sketching. Just sitting by my window in my bedroom or dining room and just sketching what I see. Trees, birds or even just the sky in different mediums! I really want to share my sketch book one day. At the moment, I feel that a sketchbook is like a window into someones mind... their opinions, thoughts, passions. You know so much about someone just by looking at their doodles in a sketch book. I just don't feel ready to share those ideas yet...
I think for all the aspiring artists who read my blog should start and practice with a sketch book. When I first thought about starting one, the only thing that crossed my mind was that it wasn't proper art. Well that couldn't be further from the truth, because it shows the dedication, frustration. The highs and the lows. A sketch book is more personal than any kind of artwork you'll complete.
I'm going through a phase where I love sketching. Just sitting by my window in my bedroom or dining room and just sketching what I see. Trees, birds or even just the sky in different mediums! I really want to share my sketch book one day. At the moment, I feel that a sketchbook is like a window into someones mind... their opinions, thoughts, passions. You know so much about someone just by looking at their doodles in a sketch book. I just don't feel ready to share those ideas yet...
I think for all the aspiring artists who read my blog should start and practice with a sketch book. When I first thought about starting one, the only thing that crossed my mind was that it wasn't proper art. Well that couldn't be further from the truth, because it shows the dedication, frustration. The highs and the lows. A sketch book is more personal than any kind of artwork you'll complete.
Leading on from that, I don't think people realise how challenging it is trying to get your art to have some kind of worth in this society, or even to participate in the subject. Throughout school I had so many lows. It is the most stressful subject you'll ever do. Being judged about everything. It's not just what the hand creates. It's hours and hours just thinking and coming up with ideas about what to produce next. In school, majority of students focused on how to please the examiner. Not me though, I only produced pieces I wanted to produce. Still doing what I was meant to be doing, but in my own way. Probs why I got a D. I worked my arse off on that course. I seriously feel like I went through a stage of depression after I got my grade. I never let it show, I'm good at covering up any kind of emotion. I've never even spoke about it. I was in such a dark place. I'm sure a lot of art students know about what I'm talking about. 2 years worth of dedication, perseverance and fighting through those lows to come out with a D and be rejected by University. I got rejected to do art, but got accepted in for History that I wasn't doing too well in all year but bombed the exam coming out with a B.... sick world. I was going to go to Uni to do history but I chickened out 3 days before I was meant to leave. This was partly because of the dark space I was in. I just knew I wanted to do something with art and to be stopped by one person's opinion really changed me. I felt like they ruined my life. Since September 2015 I have been 'um-ing' and 'ar-ing' about re-applying but I just feel like that part of me is lost. I don't think I could go back to being judged every day, being told "that's not good enough, do it again". Doesn't that defeat the object of art? I still feel that way now. I don't even post half of my drawings on social media because taking art at school has made me scared of opinion... of rejection. Even commissions. I judge myself so much through every piece and I have so much stress before sending the piece away to it's new home. Never being proud of something and always thinking it could be better. If I'm honest, it's getting to the stage where it's making me not want to take on the challenge of commissions. Then at the same time, I think to myself people wouldn't pay me to do them if they didn't like my work. Just a constant battle, that taking art as a subject in school has caused.
Update: I've had this post in my drafts for a long time. Way before I even started the blog. I've got a really bad cold at the moment, so I've been in bed all day just thinking.... and now I'm going to post this. Sorry it kind of ends abruptly but I don't feel well enough to complete it/ edit it - my eyes hurt looking at my phone screen but I just really wanted to put this out there. At the end of the day, I'm not letting a degree or someone in education define whether I can make it as an artist or not.
Like the saying goes... "those who can't do, teach".


































